Do you have big aspirations that you’ve put on hold because they seem “too” difficult?
Have you heard yourself say, “It’s just too hard,” or “I’m not cut out for that,” or “I wasn’t born talented enough, so that’s just not possible for me”?
If that’s the case, this post is for you. Here, we’ll explore the powerful lessons I’ve learned through singing and voice coaching that could have a huge impact on your chances of making your big dreams a reality.
Being Told Your Voice Is “Not Good Enough”
I have a wonderful beginner vocal student who I noticed would repeatedly say, “My voice is a disaster.” She firmly believed that every time she sang a song, it would end disastrously.
Through our conversations, I discovered that this belief of hers stemmed from an experience from childhood.
When she was younger, she auditioned for her school choir, which involved singing a solo piece. After she sang, the choir director, in front of all those who were present, emphatically declared, “No, not you.”
While I can’t say for certain, I’m going to assume that this choir director had no idea of the lasting impact he was creating for all those whose voices he deemed “unworthy” of being in his choir.
In fact, this type of experience is one that a great many of my students have shared with me. Either the story happened very similarly with an unfeeling, flat out rejection from a choir director, or the experience involved some individual making an insensitive comment about the nature of their voices.
Experiences like this involving some kind of negative response to using our voices in a public setting (whether singing or speaking), can stay with us and greatly impact the way in which we show up and express ourselves.
The Power of Words In Triggering Behavioural Responses
In the case of my student, because she carried the belief that her singing is “a disaster”, every time she did try to sing, she would engage every muscle to push her voice out. She would tense her body as if she was bracing for an impending catastrophe. This was not a conscious behavioural choice; it was a conditioned body response that would get triggered each time she sang in front of someone.
However, after working on specific exercises designed to gently shift these triggered behaviours, her body relaxed, her voice released and she was able to sing a song from beginning to end without any disaster ensuing.
The lesson here is this: the words we say matter.
When we repeatedly label something as being “too hard”, or we call ourselves “a disaster,” or make statements like, “I’m just not good enough”, we are essentially declaring that what we really want is simply too far out of reach.
Moreover, this type of self-talk instructs our brains to look for reasons to back up these statements so that we can have further proof that this belief is true. In doing so we hold onto beliefs that only serve to limit us and obstruct our path to success.
Changing the Narrative
So, how can we combat this? The first step involves becoming more self-aware and changing our narrative.
We have to catch ourselves when those unhelpful inner voices start to chime in. Instead of saying “that’s too hard”, acknowledge that what you’re wanting to do is simply “challenging,” and then follow that up by asking yourself, “What’s the first easy step I can take?”
In place of declaring, “my singing is a disaster”, say “singing is an exciting challenge,” and then ask yourself, “What’s one simple action I can take to get started?” or “Who can I find to help me with this?”
Remember that the energy we bring into any of our endeavours impact the outcome of our actions.
In singing, for instance, if you start a song with doubt and hesitation, that energy will be evident in your voice. While listeners might not pinpoint your precise feelings, they will sense something misaligned in your energy.
So give yourself the best chance of success by choosing words that carry higher-frequency energy and elevate you, rather than words that carry low-frequency energy and deflate you.
A Path Forward
If you have a big goal or a dream, or there’s something you’ve been wanting to do but haven’t given yourself the permission to do it, then know that that desire is there for a reason.
For example, if you find yourself strongly drawn to singing, then maybe your voice is meant to play a significant role in your life. Maybe through discovering your voice, you gain a vital insight, or learn an important lesson about yourself. Or maybe through singing and engaging in your creative side, you open doors to unique opportunities you otherwise would not have been aware of.
By being more intentional with the words you say to yourself and choosing the ones that make you feel successful from the start, you can begin your journey with high-frequency energy that will set you up for success and ease the path towards achieving your dreams.
When you clear the path by getting the mental junk out of the way, you will surprise yourself, just as my student surprised herself, with the realisation of your true potential.
So, if you’re reading this and resonating with the message, consider it a sign from the universe to go for that big dream of yours. Start by being mindful of the words you’re telling yourself and remember – the words we use carry energy. Choose yours wisely.
